“…Your Father sees all that is done in secret…” Matthew 6:4
Myrna left home as soon as she could after high school. She had no friends. She and her four siblings were victims of physical, verbal and mental abuse at the hands of her parents, who always told her she would never amount to anything.
She knew a cute truck driver. He was 27 and he was her way out. It turned out he smoked pot and was an abusive alcoholic. He fathered her two sons before she escaped him.
Feeling painfully unloved, Myrna became promiscuous. Each time she got pregnant, she had an abortion. She had several abortions, always in the first trimester. She was emotionally numb and surrounded in secrecy.
Repressed anger toward herself and others lead Myrna to drinking. “If you don’t talk about it, it will eat you up, kill you; the anxiety drives you insane,” she says.
In her early 40s, Myrna started having nightmares. She dreamed that she had to feed her baby. She goes into a dark room, sees a crib and touches something in a blanket. She asks, “Are you OK?” It has no face, no hands. She touches the baby; it is stiff and doesn’t move. She cannot feed it.
The nightmares continue for five years. She was grieving, feeling guilty, and thought she should be in prison. She knows it was her conscience that was hurting, killing her. She knew God was not punishing her, but instead reminding her she needed forgiveness, to repent.
One day her son, a Marine, gave her a Bible. She was drinking heavily. She thanked him, but never opened it. A friend came over to read scripture. Myrna told her she just wanted to drink.
It was a year or two later when she decided she was ready to open her heart and mind to God. She read the Bible and felt His love. She talked to God and asked for forgiveness. She started seeing things differently and felt renewed, born again. She offered her life to God. She had been over-anxious, thinking that she could control events and people. She asked God to forgive her for thinking that she had that power to control things beyond her thoughts, words, feelings and actions.
God sent Anna into her life. She drove Myrna to church, where Myrna received counseling through the Rachel’s Vineyard Recovery Program for post-abortive women. Myrna was in search of inner peace and tranquility. Buried feelings, needing to surface, came to light.
Myrna was diagnosed with cervical cancer. She believed that the abortions had caused it; she says post-abortive women suffer breast and uterine complications. After surgery, her sutures broke and they rushed her to the hospital. She was bleeding so badly, she lost her eyesight on the way to the hospital. She prayed for restored sight.
They arrived at the emergency room and the doctor asked her why she was there. She told him she had been bleeding profusely for 30 minutes and had the bloody blanket to prove it. The doctor was checking her uterus, but could see no blood.
“Could it be,” she says, “that God dried the blood and restored my life?”
Myrna is attending church now. She and her new husband have much love in their lives. She is a proud grandmother of two. She gives them all her love. She teaches catechism at church. Her message to young people is: you are God’s creation, deserving to be loved and never, ever to be used. If you get pregnant, choose life; choose adoption, never, ever choose abortion.