I’ve noticed a trend lately to downplay the role of mothers in our society. Social scientists suggest fathers, nannies and daycare centers can handle the job just fine. I think they are forgetting the important contributions and sacrifices mothers have made throughout history.
Mothers, not evolution, as was previously thought, are responsible for man walking upright. It began when the very first cave mom said to Junior, “Stand up straight; don’t slump.”
Mothers originated the concept of guilt. It is sometimes the only thing that forces us to make the correct choice rather than the easy one. For example, at Luby’s Cafeteria when all you really want is the chocolate pie and instead you choose the green salad, two vegetables, a lean meat and then chocolate pie, that’s guilt.
Mothers invented nagging and whining and saw them elevated them to accepted business practices in the form of memos, answering machines, voice mail, calendars, cell phones and alarm watches. Fathers invented golf and elevated it to an accepted business practice.
Mothers possess intuition that instinctively tells them when their innocent-looking children have been up to no good. It also tells them when their innocent-looking husband has been up to no good.
Mothers will spare no expense to be sure that their child has all the necessary tools for success in school. This may include Guess, Nike, Abercrombie, and Air Whatever.
Mothers spend approximately one-fifth of their life in the car. It is their home away from home. They sleep there, eat there, do their nails there and sometimes, late at night, use the overhead light to read about someone else’s love life because they are too tired to have one of their own.
Carpooling is their life. Some mothers I know had such severe withdrawal symptoms when their kids got their drivers licenses that they got jobs delivering for Domino’s.
Mothers have no fear of the unknown. With little regard for life or limb, they will stand unarmed in their own laundry room and reach into the jeans pocket of a 10-year-old boy and thank God if it doesn’t wiggle or bite.
Mothers are blessed with eternal optimism. They fully believe that having told a teenager 1,597 times to clean up their room that it may have actually happened and yet always seem surprised when it looks the same.
The one time I tried to take matters into my own hands and clean my son’s and daughter’s rooms while they were at school was a disaster. The moldy glass of Coca-Cola I poured out from my son’s room turned out to be his science experiment worth 20 percent of his grade. The mountain of paper bags I trashed from my teenage daughter’s closet were what she tearfully referred to as her “bag collection.”
Mothers never outgrow being mothers. Even when their little boy is 57, they will still use spit to stick down his stray hairs, remind him he needs to try a dandruff shampoo, and ask when was the last time he saw a dentist.
And if you think children don’t appreciate all the hard work and sacrifice that mothers endure to raise them, just ask yourself when was the last time you saw a 275-pound, pro-football player look straight into the TV camera and say, “Hi, Dad?”