An open letter to men who are looking for Ms. Right on Internet dating sites

Dear Gentlemen:

I have visited several well-known Internet dating sites and based on my observations, I believe I can help you be more successful in your search. I have identified several areas where you may want to consider revising your online profile to attract more desirable female candidates.

  1. 1. Take off the sunglasses. You may be wearing $500 Ray Bans but women want to see your eyes. And the baseball cap. We already know there is no hair under there, so spare us the shock because sooner or later the cap’s coming off.
  2. 2. Put down the fish. I know that your trophy bass or record snapper will impress your guy friends, but I can tell you all most women will think of is, “He’d rather be fishing.” And even if that is true, it will not get you a second look with a woman who might, after all, be worth missing a few fishing trips for.
  3. 3. If you choose not to include a photo on your post, we aren’t going to care if you say you are a billionaire with your own private island. Because if you don’t want us to see your face, we are going to imagine that you are a close cousin of Jack the Ripper and pass you by. And on the outside chance that you are Brad Pitt looking for his next honey, we are still going to pass because we all know that eventually Brad is just going to keep on looking.
  4. 4. If in your personal profile, where it asks for your body type, you select “a few extra pounds,” but in your description of your potential date you describe her as “buff, “works out regularly,” or “trim and fit,” we aren’t going there either, even if we pump iron seven days a week and run a marathon a month. Do the words “double standard” have a familiar ring?
  5. 5. Before posting photos to your profile, run them by a woman whose opinion you trust. “Selfies” you take with your phone can make you look like one generation removed from an alien. Also, photos that are dark or poorly lit give a woman that same creepy feeling, like maybe you can’t afford to pay your light bill.
  6. 6. When it comes time to choose a name for your profile ID, carefully consider your choice. Names like HotToTrot, WildBillyBoy, INeedUBad, or FastTxDude speak to first, a lack of creativity, two, immaturity and three, a clear indication of what your real interest is. We are brighter than that.
  7. 7. I love dogs. My friends love dogs and some even love cats. But if you have posted half of your photos featuring your pets, we might worry that you have attachment issues. If any of those pets are wearing little outfits, we are just gonna keep surfing on by.

And a word to the ladies about their profiles.

To quote one male friend, “Put down the cats and get off the sofa.”

 

Diane Blanco
Author: Diane BlancoEmail: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

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