I’ll never forget when my well-used lipstick screeched it was way past time to buy another tube. I was sitting in my car in the grocery store parking lot ever so neatly slathering on a coat of rose spectrum … I never go anywhere without lipstick on … when the pointy tip suddenly broke off into my lap. Geez, I absolutely hate when that happens. And what a mess. Just tell me how does a little blob of lipstick manage to produce so much collateral damage? I had lipstick streaks below my lower lip and down my chin. And did I mention the bright rose-colored smudges on my shirt and jeans, and oh, on my right hand. Of course, there was not a single tissue in sight. Woulda called 9-1-1, but frankly, I knew better. I just snatched the only thing remotely handy, a laundry receipt hangin’ out in the cup holder, and cleaned up the best I could.   My family is relentless in their teasing me about the whole lipstick thing. Not so much about being a fanatic when it comes to holding everyone hostage in the car until my lips are properly painted. Nope. The poking fun is rather directed at what happens to my tube of war paint over a period of time.  “Mom, I can’t believe what you’ve done to your lipstick. How you get it to end up all pointy like that is beyond me,” my oldest daughter playfully teases, who just happens to wear her lipstick down all flat on the top.  “Yeah, I know. What can I say? It has a mind of its own. There is absolutely nothin’ I can do about it,” is my usual reply.  It’s not that I intentionally try to wear down my lipstick to a point. Frankly, I thought most everyone did. That was until just the other day, when I learned about the lipstick personality profile at Macy’s Clinique counter.    “Can I help you?” said Elizabeth, the cheerful Clinique consultant.  “Well, I’m kinda desperate for a couple of tubes of lipstick. Only the name of the flavor can’t be read on one of the tubes,” I meekly uttered.  My favorite shade spent so much time sloshing around the dark caverns of my purse the illegible label had begun to resemble something akin to ancient Sanskrit or Egyptian hieroglyphics.   “No problem, I think I can match it if you just show me what you have left,” Elizabeth said.  I hesitated for a moment, explaining that I was slightly embarrassed about the pitiful state of my lipstick. She immediately comforted me. Obviously, she had seen the likes of someone like me before. Elizabeth quickly turned around whipping out a laminated sheet that was planted just to the right of her cash register. It was entitled, lipstick personality profile. The page reminded me of something you find in a Glamour magazine. Not too certain if magazines are still chocked full of that kind of stuff. Anyhow, the page included eight tubes of lipstick in various shapes of worn-ness. There were your flat top concave, sharp-angled tip, flat top concave, rounded with a smooth tip, rounded tip to a point, that was most definitely me, and a couple more sprinkled down the page.   Each worn lipstick shape had seven or eight personality traits associated with them. Geez, I felt like I was reading the results of a Myers-Briggs psychological test, although none of the listed profiles had anything particularly negative. Apparently, my “flat top” daughter, Katie, was quick-minded, to the point and very dependable.   When I got back to the office, I did a little straw poll asking a couple of the girls to whip out their lipstick. Mary Ann admitted she wore her lipstick down to a sharp-angled tip. A few of her traits on the profile included high-spirited, outgoing, very opinionated and dislikes schedules. I was in totally agreement on her traits, although I wasn’t certain about the whole schedule thing. Jana and I are kindred spirits rounding our lipstick to a point. Obviously, we are lovable, family-oriented and sometimes we exaggerate. Although, in my case, most would agree I exaggerate … a lot. Unfortunately, Juanita remains somewhat of a mystery. She uses lip gloss applied with a brush.   By the way, you shoulda seen the look I got from the lady at the cleaners when I picked up my laundry. It was probably the lipstick-encrusted receipt that got her. I gotta remember to line my cup holder with some throw-down tissue.  Dixie Frantz is a Kingwood resident and newspaper columnist for the past 12 years. E-mail Dixie with your comments, or to find out what your lipstick profile is, at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

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