Green Eggs and Hats

Our little grandson does not like to wear hats. I’m serious. I mean … he REALLY does not like them. Our daughter first noticed Jake’s aversion to head coverings when she tried to place a bonnet on his head while dressing the babe for his baptism. He was only a few months old. Let’s just say there was way too much fussing until the offensive head covering was finally removed.

It made me wonder if Dr. Suess was really thinking about hats when he wrote the book entitled “Green Eggs and Ham.” He could have easily been writing about someone like Jake when he wrote the words “I do not like them here or there. I do not like them anywhere.”

I’ve never seen anything like it. I absolutely have no experience in the realm of horrible hats. On the contrary, quite the opposite since our Ricky used to adore hats when he was a little guy. A Davy Crockett coon skin immediately comes to mind. But for Ricky there was really only one favorite hat. He had this one red baseball cap that basically never came off his head. Ever so slowly his head grew and the stitching on the cap started to split along the sides like sections of an orange. The Hubster used to call Ricky “rooster” because of that red cap which disintegrated into lots of little pieces rendering it totally unwearable … thank goodness.

So a couple of months back, there was another memorable Dr. Suess-like attempt to test Jake with a hat. It was his first birthday. Jake’s parents managed to sneak a cute little party hat on him for a photo with his smash cake. The result … his tear ducts sprang a leak like a gushing water hose all over his cake until the pointy paper hat was finally removed. I mean … Jake might have a point … could hats feel scratchy, itchy or possibly even creepy crawly? Or was it just Jake letting us know he did not like hats in a box or with a fox, in a house or with a mouse, with a goat or in a boat. No … Jake still did not like hats anywhere.

A few more months have passed and unfortunately, Jake is still not in love with hats and it is nearly Halloween. It is the trick-or-treat season where most every Halloween costume for toddlers contain … wait for it … some form of hat. There are adorable monkey, dragon, elephant, Ewok, Tiger, puppy and pirate costumes. All have some kind of cute head covering that is an integral part of the ensemble.

I did my due diligence at our local fabric store several weeks ago scoping out the pattern books for costume possibilities for his age group. C’mon … this really shouldn’t be this hard. I have sewed many a costume back in the day. Alas, there was not a pattern to be found that screamed Jake’s name that didn’t come with a head covering.

Did I mention last year baby Jake was an Astronaut? Of course it was worn without the helmet. This year Katie would be happy if she found a hat-less costume that also went with his personality.

“Next year Jake will be old enough to have some input into what he wants to be for Halloween. And there will be lots more hatless options,” said Katie.

It is why this year she finally chose a race-car driver. The boy loves cars and most especially the accompanying “vroom, vroom.” We could make this work! Jake can always just drag the helmet around. It might make a nice spot to contain his treats.

Just like with Dr. Seuss’ “Green Eggs and Ham,” we are all hoping Jake’s happy end of the book will contain the words “I will wear them here and there. I will wear hats everywhere.”

Dixie Frantz is a Kingwood resident and newspaper columnist for the past 19 years. Email comments to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. You can also visit Dixie’s blog at   

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