I didn’t tell the hubster, but I took a little tumble the other day on some super slick hospital flooring. Each time I walked up and down that L-O-N-G hallway to Rick’s room or the elevator, I thought someone must be awfully proud of this super shiny floor. It was magnificent as far as flooring goes. I wouldn’t doubt if there was a competition, like the Olympics, for cleanest and slickest. It was gold-medal quality for sure.

The slippery bottoms of my shoes didn’t help, my fault, or the multitude of thoughts running through my cranium before I crashed and burned. Multi-tasking that day was not my friend. Walking slowly and intentionally picking up both my feet … a priceless lesson learned. If you run into Rick, act like you never read this column. It didn’t happen! He will start calling me “Grace” again!

I’ve had a few memorable near misses where thankfully the hubster was in close proximity, saving me from a couple of serious nosedives. The most memorable was back in the early ‘70s when we were still dating. Rick had gotten tickets to the rock opera “Jesus Christ Superstar” being held in Hofheinz Pavilion. I remember like it was yesterday. High heels, no handrails and concrete steps are a potentially dangerous combo, especially when feet are headed downward. My future hubby saved me from certain broken bones, bruises and contusions when the front of one foot teetered a tad too far over the front of a step. Just like Superman, the guy quickly went from hand holding to using his superhero grabbing skills. It was just one of his talents that attracted me to him 47 years ago!

Did I mention the first person to come to my recent rescue was a hospital construction worker? Not that he caught me before I hit the floor. The tumbling location was a very long, wide hallway. He was a tad too far away when it happened. The dude did tell me to just sit tight for a few minutes. That was no problem on my part. Then he told me something comforting.

“I can relate to what just happened. This morning I fell off the treadmill I was walking on,” he said.

Not sure how the word got out, but it was probably 30 seconds before I was surrounded by five lovely registered nurses. They were dressed all in black, like concerned and friendly black birds, asking if I was OK. Someone had even brought a wheelchair. I was embarrassed … yes … but fine and picked myself off the floor. Thankfully, none of those nurses was taking care of the hubster! The cat stayed in the bag.

Oh, and I broke the frames of my glasses on the way down to the floor. Told the hubster I stepped on them accidentally when I dropped them. Which IS true. They did drop off my face before they got crunched. One of the plastic “arms” snapped right off like a piece of uncooked spaghetti. Unfortunately, this was day one of a nine-day hospital stay. Imagine driving back and forth each day from the medical center without one “side arm” of your glasses on. They sit one side way lower than the other. Made me look like a lightly salted cashew nut.

Before dusting myself off and standing up from the floor, I briefly contemplated that it would have been so much more fun to have first taken off my shoes and slid down the long hallway in my socks. Imagine Tom Cruise in “Risky Business” with Bob Seger’s “Old Time Rock and Roll” playing in the background. Course I would be fully clothed! Now don’t forget … it is a secret!

Dixie Frantz
Author: Dixie FrantzWebsite: http://www.lifesloosethreads.comEmail: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
Columnist
I am a long-time Houstonian in love with writing, blogging, travel, quilting and reading. I have written “You Gotta Laugh,” a humorous newspaper column, for the past 21 years. The columns showcase the funny, amusing and sometimes touching slices of life from the suburbs. My writing credentials include more than 430 humorous columns, features and travel stories for The Tribune Newspaper.

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Glad you are OK. Rick needs your attention and I know you don’t want to distract from that. I hope you can get your glasses fixed. Prayers for Y’all!

Carole
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